remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
birth control should be required to get into college
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
