Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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