We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
