What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
