i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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