it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize