well I can't set my house on fire every night
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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