Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
then he tried to convert me to islam
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize
