so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
