okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
