matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
