my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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