he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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