I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
