You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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