Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
time to smoke my breakfast
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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