I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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