just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
