i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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