sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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