Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
