his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
