So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
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