fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
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