He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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