I haven't been this sober since birth.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
