I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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