i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
