NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
