I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
