yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
