Sponge bath it is.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
