There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
