I have demons in me.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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