Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
