yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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