i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
