Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
