I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
