can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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