my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
