i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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