i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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