First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
