i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
