I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
