how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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