____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
