i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
