Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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