I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
