So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
