I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize