the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
