If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
