I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
