From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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