Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Randomize
