You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
