fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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