OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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