Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
