end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
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