i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
3 2 1 whiskey
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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