singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
