i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
So vagazzling was a success
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize