I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Randomize
