this just has baby written all over it
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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